Nicolas Cage Unsure How Many Crappy Films He Can Star In Next Year

Actor Nicolas Cage has admitted he may have to curtail his output of shitty, predictable blockbusters in 2012. The star of such unforgivable cinematic turds as Con-Air, National Treasure, Kiss of Death, Next, Knowing, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, The Rock, Gone In Sixty Seconds, Face-Off, Bangkok Dangerous and The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call – New Orleans raised the possibility of a sabbatical during interviews for some other piece of shit he’s starring in this month.

“I love making these soulless money-spinners,” said the widely hated actor, “but 3-4 of them a year take their toll on you. I just don’t want to get to a place where I’m not loving every minute of it. This industry is about following your dreams, after all, and since the day I saw my uncle’s masterpiece, The Godfather, I knew I wanted to star in some of the worst movies ever made.”

It hasn’t been easy for Cage, as he occasionally finds himself starring in a Scorcese tour de force like Bringing Out The Dead or accidentally picking up the Best Actor oscar for Leaving Las Vegas. “That’s the risk you take on a new project. You show up and do your scenes and only find out months later that the director has gone and made a compelling, thought-provoking gem. As the actor, you have no way of knowing.”

But Cage is hopeful he has found a solution. “Half-way through making Kick-Ass, I realised that it was shaping up to be a critically-acclaimed, highly original dark comedy. The best I could do was deliver all my lines like a complete moron. There are some great performances in Kick-Ass and an amazing script, but I’m pretty sure my awful performance balanced it out.”

Nicolas Cage’s latest piece of shit opens in all theatres this weekend.