International human rights advocacy group Benetton has shocked the world yet again with the announcement that it will henceforth be a clothing manufacturer. In a statement delivered from a platform shaped like a HIV positive foetus, aborted because of racism, chairman Luciano Benetton made clear his continued commitment to raising awareness of human rights issues around the world. “As far as speaking for the marginalized and the downtrodden goes, I will always see that as my life’s work. But human rights campaigning is a young man’s game and it is time for someone else, under my guidance, to take up the mantle.”
The Benetton Group has won acclaim and condemnation in equal measure over the years for its high-profile billboard campaigns depicting AIDS sufferers, minorities and genitalia. Their most recent UnHate campaign depicts world leaders such as Barack Obama and Hugo Chavez defecating while performing oral sex on one another.
The assembled press, who were forced to watch a five minute film of the Pope injecting heroin beforehand, were a little puzzled at Mr. Benetton’s bizarre move. But the chairman explained himself by saying, “It has been a dream of mine for several years to make over-priced, brightly coloured polo shirts. Nothing too fancy-looking or imaginative.” He was then joined on the stage by several family members - dressed in turn as Islamic suicide bombers and their weeping mothers - carrying samples of the group’s Spring/Summer line.
Barbara Hutchinson, fashion editor with the Daily Mail, commented that the clothing was uninspiring to look at. “Honestly, I don’t know how they plan to sell this stuff to higher-end consumers. I’m no marketing expert, but some sort of ad campaign that didn’t feature the clothes at all might work. Something that encourages people to buy into the brand, as opposed to the garments themselves.”
Asked why he would not continue his human rights work alongside his new clothing brand, Mr. Benetton said he did not wish to confuse the public about what the company was about. “From now on I want people to associate the Benetton name with boring, expensive clothes. If we were to continue to do both, consumers might mistakenly think we were exploiting society’s problems just to hawk our shit.”
The Benetton Group has won acclaim and condemnation in equal measure over the years for its high-profile billboard campaigns depicting AIDS sufferers, minorities and genitalia. Their most recent UnHate campaign depicts world leaders such as Barack Obama and Hugo Chavez defecating while performing oral sex on one another.
The assembled press, who were forced to watch a five minute film of the Pope injecting heroin beforehand, were a little puzzled at Mr. Benetton’s bizarre move. But the chairman explained himself by saying, “It has been a dream of mine for several years to make over-priced, brightly coloured polo shirts. Nothing too fancy-looking or imaginative.” He was then joined on the stage by several family members - dressed in turn as Islamic suicide bombers and their weeping mothers - carrying samples of the group’s Spring/Summer line.
Barbara Hutchinson, fashion editor with the Daily Mail, commented that the clothing was uninspiring to look at. “Honestly, I don’t know how they plan to sell this stuff to higher-end consumers. I’m no marketing expert, but some sort of ad campaign that didn’t feature the clothes at all might work. Something that encourages people to buy into the brand, as opposed to the garments themselves.”
Asked why he would not continue his human rights work alongside his new clothing brand, Mr. Benetton said he did not wish to confuse the public about what the company was about. “From now on I want people to associate the Benetton name with boring, expensive clothes. If we were to continue to do both, consumers might mistakenly think we were exploiting society’s problems just to hawk our shit.”
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